it's not too late

Here we are...nearing the end of summer. School is back in session. The nights are growing cooler. I actually found myself wearing jeans in recent days rather than shorts. My official end to summer is the day I start wearing socks again. I'm a barefoot or, at the very most, a sandals kind of girl.

As I sit here this afternoon thinking about what "I did this summer" like so many uninspired back-to-school essays, I can't help but think that more and more of my years and seasons are blurring together. The older I get, the less I think of the past in terms of days or even weeks. Instead I tend to think more in terms of months or even years. "Did I go on that trip in my 20's or 30's? Wow...has it really been 8 months since I've seen that friend of mine? Where has the month of August gone? It's already September??"

Think back to the summers of your youth. Weren't they the longest, most enjoyable chunks of time in your young life? My summer days were so carefree and laid back. During the daytime I would hang out with the neighborhood kids. We would ride bikes, play board games, swim at the public pool, and listen to music. Some days it was too hot to even move, so we'd sit on someone's front porch and just chat the afternoon away. In the evening we'd tear ourselves away to have dinner with our own families. After dinner we'd congregate again and await dusk so we could start a crazy game of "Kick the Can." Ever played it? It was a blast when we used three adjoining yards and houses for the playing field. And that was pretty much the routine for the whole summer. When we got into high school we'd throw in an occasional trip to the mall or the movies for variety. Now that was high-adventure!

In reminiscing like this it is so clear to me why life seems to be zooming out of control now that I've reached the official "grown-up" stage of my life. I'm too busy. I'm over-committed. How does that old saying go? I'm meeting myself coming and going? In this day of high-speed and high-tech everything it is next to impossible to live slowly. To live deliberately. I don't know about you, but I have enough obligations in my life to fill every hour of the day. If I stop moving, thinking, doing...I fall behind and feel guilty for wasting time. Sure I seem to get more accomplished in a day than when I was a teenager. But, am I as happy as I was then?

No.

So, how can I change this? How do I get off this ride that blurs my days so that I barely remember them or even recognize who I am? How can I bring more happiness, contentment, and quality into my life.

I think I need to redefine words like "interesting," "amazing," "fun," and “success.” We live in an age where we are constantly bombarded with the message that we are not good enough, rich enough, or fun enough for this world. We are told that if we aren't constantly on the move, then we are boring or we are missing out on life. If we don’t sign our children up for every extra class or lesson out there, we are depriving said kids and are failing as parents. If we don’t go on an expensive vacation every year, we are boring and are failing as families. If we don’t work more than 40 hours a week then we can’t possibly make enough money and are, therefore, failing as adults. It goes on and on…cars, houses, clothes. A person can’t possibly have fun unless that person is away from home and is spending money on something. Ironic isn't it? We are so busy making sure we don't miss out on anything that we don't have time to really live.

I truly need less busy work, fewer obligations, and more family time...more "me" time. And all I need to do is make the right choices. I need to choose to slow down. I need to learn to tell myself and others “no.” I need to rediscover who I am and what I like…not what others say I am or what they say I should like.

Here’s what I’d like. I'd like to play with the kids more. Take more walks. Read more books. Ride my bike. Sit on a nice, breezy porch. Listen to the night insects and watch the fireflies. All of those things that I remember so fondly from my younger days are truly fun and relaxing. They are meaningful, and they are memory makers. Even though they are slow-paced and laid back, they are true living.