My mood? Thanks for asking. I'd say I'm wistful, pensive, reflective, melancholy...how's that for some 10-cent words? Gotta love websters.com!
I had a nice day that, in the end, really tied into my earlier posting about slowing down and about enjoying the simpler things in life. My cousin was home for a visit. He lives out of state and I haven't seen him for almost two years. He came home specifically because our grandpa is not doing very well. Grandpa is still at home with my parents, so the extended family met there for dinner. It was so nice to see my cousin. And we all laughed so much...like always. Honestly, my life has been so busy that I didn't really realize how much I missed him until he was sitting across the table from me. That's not right, is it? And, of course, it started me thinking about my other cousins and friends who I don't see often enough. Why not? Because I don't make the effort. I don't schedule them into my life, I guess. Nothing about that realization makes me feel good.
Okay, so how can I turn this self-reflection (and perhaps scolding) into something positive? First I think I should thank God for the wonderful evening I just had. And, next, I can use this evening as a reminder. As the title of my last post says..."it's not too late." I need to start scheduling my family and friends into my life more. When I look back on life, what will I remember more? A Sunday night spent flipping through channels looking for something to entertain me or an evening spent laughing and joking with someone who has known me since the day I was born? I think it is obvious. I will never regret quality time spent with people I love.
There is comfort to be found in the company of others. I think the best word to describe it is "fellowship." In fellowship we find acceptance, shared interests, memories, and friendship. We find support when we're down. We find someone to share excitement with when we're up. We find love. The times of fellowship produce my fondest memories. Like my description in my last post of hanging out with the neighboorhood kids. Or spending time with my extended family tonight. Happy memories to lean on when times get rough.
One last thing that has just occurred to me. I'm feeling a bit blue because I was having so much fun, and then I had to say goodbye. I don't know when I'll see my cousin again. But, I can relate this somewhat to the promise that one day there will be no more goodbyes for me. I will be able to slow down and experience joy and happiness forever. There will be no more stress. There will be no more tears. There will be eternal life. Eternity. Now, there's another 10-cent word. But, the truth is, eternity is free.
An old hymn came to mind:
Blessed be the tie that binds
Our hearts in Christian love;
The fellowship of kindred minds
Is like that to that above.
We share each other’s woes,
Our mutual burdens bear;
And often for each other flows
The sympathizing tear.
When we asunder part,
It gives us inward pain;
But we shall still be joined in heart,
And hope to meet again.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Thursday, September 13, 2007
it's not too late
Here we are...nearing the end of summer. School is back in session. The nights are growing cooler. I actually found myself wearing jeans in recent days rather than shorts. My official end to summer is the day I start wearing socks again. I'm a barefoot or, at the very most, a sandals kind of girl.
As I sit here this afternoon thinking about what "I did this summer" like so many uninspired back-to-school essays, I can't help but think that more and more of my years and seasons are blurring together. The older I get, the less I think of the past in terms of days or even weeks. Instead I tend to think more in terms of months or even years. "Did I go on that trip in my 20's or 30's? Wow...has it really been 8 months since I've seen that friend of mine? Where has the month of August gone? It's already September??"
Think back to the summers of your youth. Weren't they the longest, most enjoyable chunks of time in your young life? My summer days were so carefree and laid back. During the daytime I would hang out with the neighborhood kids. We would ride bikes, play board games, swim at the public pool, and listen to music. Some days it was too hot to even move, so we'd sit on someone's front porch and just chat the afternoon away. In the evening we'd tear ourselves away to have dinner with our own families. After dinner we'd congregate again and await dusk so we could start a crazy game of "Kick the Can." Ever played it? It was a blast when we used three adjoining yards and houses for the playing field. And that was pretty much the routine for the whole summer. When we got into high school we'd throw in an occasional trip to the mall or the movies for variety. Now that was high-adventure!
In reminiscing like this it is so clear to me why life seems to be zooming out of control now that I've reached the official "grown-up" stage of my life. I'm too busy. I'm over-committed. How does that old saying go? I'm meeting myself coming and going? In this day of high-speed and high-tech everything it is next to impossible to live slowly. To live deliberately. I don't know about you, but I have enough obligations in my life to fill every hour of the day. If I stop moving, thinking, doing...I fall behind and feel guilty for wasting time. Sure I seem to get more accomplished in a day than when I was a teenager. But, am I as happy as I was then?
No.
So, how can I change this? How do I get off this ride that blurs my days so that I barely remember them or even recognize who I am? How can I bring more happiness, contentment, and quality into my life.
I think I need to redefine words like "interesting," "amazing," "fun," and “success.” We live in an age where we are constantly bombarded with the message that we are not good enough, rich enough, or fun enough for this world. We are told that if we aren't constantly on the move, then we are boring or we are missing out on life. If we don’t sign our children up for every extra class or lesson out there, we are depriving said kids and are failing as parents. If we don’t go on an expensive vacation every year, we are boring and are failing as families. If we don’t work more than 40 hours a week then we can’t possibly make enough money and are, therefore, failing as adults. It goes on and on…cars, houses, clothes. A person can’t possibly have fun unless that person is away from home and is spending money on something. Ironic isn't it? We are so busy making sure we don't miss out on anything that we don't have time to really live.
I truly need less busy work, fewer obligations, and more family time...more "me" time. And all I need to do is make the right choices. I need to choose to slow down. I need to learn to tell myself and others “no.” I need to rediscover who I am and what I like…not what others say I am or what they say I should like.
Here’s what I’d like. I'd like to play with the kids more. Take more walks. Read more books. Ride my bike. Sit on a nice, breezy porch. Listen to the night insects and watch the fireflies. All of those things that I remember so fondly from my younger days are truly fun and relaxing. They are meaningful, and they are memory makers. Even though they are slow-paced and laid back, they are true living.
As I sit here this afternoon thinking about what "I did this summer" like so many uninspired back-to-school essays, I can't help but think that more and more of my years and seasons are blurring together. The older I get, the less I think of the past in terms of days or even weeks. Instead I tend to think more in terms of months or even years. "Did I go on that trip in my 20's or 30's? Wow...has it really been 8 months since I've seen that friend of mine? Where has the month of August gone? It's already September??"
Think back to the summers of your youth. Weren't they the longest, most enjoyable chunks of time in your young life? My summer days were so carefree and laid back. During the daytime I would hang out with the neighborhood kids. We would ride bikes, play board games, swim at the public pool, and listen to music. Some days it was too hot to even move, so we'd sit on someone's front porch and just chat the afternoon away. In the evening we'd tear ourselves away to have dinner with our own families. After dinner we'd congregate again and await dusk so we could start a crazy game of "Kick the Can." Ever played it? It was a blast when we used three adjoining yards and houses for the playing field. And that was pretty much the routine for the whole summer. When we got into high school we'd throw in an occasional trip to the mall or the movies for variety. Now that was high-adventure!
In reminiscing like this it is so clear to me why life seems to be zooming out of control now that I've reached the official "grown-up" stage of my life. I'm too busy. I'm over-committed. How does that old saying go? I'm meeting myself coming and going? In this day of high-speed and high-tech everything it is next to impossible to live slowly. To live deliberately. I don't know about you, but I have enough obligations in my life to fill every hour of the day. If I stop moving, thinking, doing...I fall behind and feel guilty for wasting time. Sure I seem to get more accomplished in a day than when I was a teenager. But, am I as happy as I was then?
No.
So, how can I change this? How do I get off this ride that blurs my days so that I barely remember them or even recognize who I am? How can I bring more happiness, contentment, and quality into my life.
I think I need to redefine words like "interesting," "amazing," "fun," and “success.” We live in an age where we are constantly bombarded with the message that we are not good enough, rich enough, or fun enough for this world. We are told that if we aren't constantly on the move, then we are boring or we are missing out on life. If we don’t sign our children up for every extra class or lesson out there, we are depriving said kids and are failing as parents. If we don’t go on an expensive vacation every year, we are boring and are failing as families. If we don’t work more than 40 hours a week then we can’t possibly make enough money and are, therefore, failing as adults. It goes on and on…cars, houses, clothes. A person can’t possibly have fun unless that person is away from home and is spending money on something. Ironic isn't it? We are so busy making sure we don't miss out on anything that we don't have time to really live.
I truly need less busy work, fewer obligations, and more family time...more "me" time. And all I need to do is make the right choices. I need to choose to slow down. I need to learn to tell myself and others “no.” I need to rediscover who I am and what I like…not what others say I am or what they say I should like.
Here’s what I’d like. I'd like to play with the kids more. Take more walks. Read more books. Ride my bike. Sit on a nice, breezy porch. Listen to the night insects and watch the fireflies. All of those things that I remember so fondly from my younger days are truly fun and relaxing. They are meaningful, and they are memory makers. Even though they are slow-paced and laid back, they are true living.
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